Christmas is a special time of year for so many of us. My family celebrates Christmas and although the traditions have changed with kids growing, relationships forming, people moving and grandkids arriving, the foundation of family time has remained stable. Despite all of the holiday spirit glittering in the streets, many people struggle during the Christmas season. We all have life struggles, each and every one of us, and the holiday season has a way of amplifying any state that we’re in.
Holiday Spirit – Gear up those Emotions!
Holidays are like that. They amplify what’s already there and can even bring buried issues to the surface. For that reason, enjoying the holiday season takes skill and wisdom. As I often do in my articles, I encourage as much self-awareness as possible in order to navigate Christmas. Manage your expectations. The holiday season has become more and more enjoyable as I’ve gotten older because I have continued to build a relationship with myself. Knowing the self is knowing how to navigate the circumstances of life. Here are a few areas of importance to keep an eye on – your inner eye, that is.
Know your triggers
We all have inner challenges, situations, people and other triggers that send us into a self-destructive, rage spiral. It’s normal to become the ‘old you’ when you’re in the ‘old circumstances’. We’ve all read the top of an article where it states ‘trigger warning’. Sometimes the warning acts like an invitation to read the article because people like crazy shit. Our online world has turned society into some type of psychological thriller.
A trigger is not always as overt or disturbing in the real life as Black Mirror would have us believe. A trigger can be a past conversation that was disturbing, a type of food, a particular setting, a person or even an environment. Don’t feel badly about avoiding triggers. Why upset yourself? There is a time and a place to challenge yourself and face triggers (perhaps), however, that time is not the holidays. Make wise choices and ensure your mind doesn’t go offline. Knowing your triggers and urges is what keeps you protected; self-awareness is knowing when to take a step in another direction. If a trigger is down the Street of Trauma and Crap, take another street. Don’t walk down the Trauma Crap street anymore. Just don’t.
Stick to your healthy boundaries
Don’t let anyone tell you boundaries aren’t healthy. You know who believes boundaries are unhealthy? People without boundaries. It feels like a threat to others if they have not made the difficult journey of establishing and sticking to their own boundaries in a respectful way. It takes practice. Healthy boundaries are different for everyone and those who truly love you for you will respect your boundaries because they will understand it’s not about them. Your boundaries are YOURS. They are not about anyone else and they are not for anyone else.
Take responsibility for what you need in order to stay healthy. Do you need carved out personal time? Take it. Do you need time to knit or read or nap? Take it. Are you working on a particular element of yourself or your world? Protect it. Be on YOUR team. That doesn’t mean disrespect or an unloving mentality. In fact, sticking to your boundaries will make you a more loving person. When you respect the decisions you make for yourself, you feel confident, safe and secure in your skin. Give yourself that gift so you can build trust in yourself and trust in your relationships.
Holiday insomnia and food comas
Often we underestimate the impact of a shift in our sleeping or eating cycle. Most of us are creatures of habit and go to bed around the same time, eat fairly consistent meals and our routine is a natural part of our lifestyle. Holidays throw off the natural rhythm. A great method of illuminating the impact of changes to sleeping and eating is to watch a toddler respond to a late night or missed meal or both. The breakdown that ensues will provide you with definitive evidence that shifting these two areas causes significant distress in the body. We may be having a wonderful time and it is certainly a time for celebration! Be cognizant that celebrating is fun, however, our bodies don’t always understand ‘fun’. Our body understands how we treat it and when that deviates from the norm, it’s important to be aware of how you’re feeling and stay vigilant, in order to avoid toddler-type breakdowns (which are embarrassing when you’re not a toddler).
Holiday rescue plan
As I mentioned, any troubles or habitual patterns will be amplified over the holidays. Everything is heightened. From one end of the arc, there is the potential for connection, laughter, relaxation and restoration. The holiday arc is wide so you can assume all your visitors will arrive. That means your cravings, urges, habits and addictive behaviors. Addictive thoughts, anxiety and cravings absolutely love to capitalize on holidays.
Why not? It’s a perfect time to free yourself from all restraint and let those addictions run wild (that thought has been brought to you by the ego)! That is exactly what will happen if you don’t keep yourself in check. The holidays are not an excuse to give up your self-care practices, to ensure you don’t walk down old, unhealthy pathways and you have a plan in place for situations that might invite these urges to arise. Celebrate in a way that doesn’t set you back. Make a plan. Don’t allow your mind to trick you into thinking it’s ok to walk away from recovery (from anything) during the holidays. It is a holiday from work. Not life.
Recognize limitations
Understand that you have limitations and so do those around you. This piece of knowledge has helped me a great deal. Acknowledging your own limitations is extremely liberating because you can strategize how to keep yourself safe and secure. Recognize that others, including your family, have limitations as well. If you expect someone to act a certain way and they don’t, it may not be within their capacity. Sometimes blame is misdirected because we lack the compassion to say ‘this is a limitation for me’ or ‘I’m going to step back from this conversation.’ It’s ok to have limits on your time, energy and participation in anything. From the same view, it is ok to let others have those same limitations and personal decisions.
Emulate the holiday spirit
For some, children are not involved during the holiday season and for some, many children are involved. Families get together and suddenly you have a circus in your home. Children will freak out for Santa. They will fight over presents. They will cry for no reason. They will feel overwhelmed and cry again. They will behave in ways that might make you feel hostile, resentful or filled with love. Or all at the same time.
Remember that children are experiencing the same disruptions in routine (sleeping, eating) and have much more difficulty coping with those changes. They are just learning to manage their urges and impulses. Take good care of yourself so that you can take good care of your children. Behave in a way that you want them to behave. Emulate holiday behavior that is of value to you. Instead of berating them for not saying “thank you”, encourage them to do so and ensure they see YOU saying thank you, being kind and generous. You are the example. Ask yourself how you want your children to act and how you want to teach them gratitude, humility and respect. Then act like that.
Take your baggage with you
This is so important and it comes back to expectations. One year I went on Christmas vacation and a friend told me to take my baggage with me. I laughed, being the over-packer that I am. She was referring to my psychological baggage (the over-packing issue is even bigger now). I was ambivalent about a few elements of the trip and had hoped I could escape my troubles by going to Mexico. Personal issues cannot leave your area code obviously and would never appear on a beach. It’s impossible for problems to exist on beaches. All movies demonstrate that.
The expectation that you can navigate any holiday or circumstance without your personal baggage is a wide open door for it to explode out of. Your personal baggage will not get lost by the airline. It will not stay in your home. It will not take a break because you’re in Mexico (I try on an annual basis to prove myself wrong). There is no baggage claim; your baggage is with you whether you want it there or not.
Rather than condemning and berating yourself for suffering during a holiday season, recognize that we all do. Everyone who has lost a loved one will miss them over the holidays. Everyone with an addiction will battle it. Every chronic pain, past memory, issue or bump that you’re facing will not leave you because it’s a civic holiday. It can be sad. That’s the reality of the holiday emotional arc; it’s wide and amplified. Be realistic with yourself and set yourself up for success by preparing to carry that baggage with grace and acceptance. We cannot wish away our suffering. We can turn to self-care and self-awareness. Take very good care of yourself.
Control your holiday social life
Socializing over the holiday season can be wonderful! Dinners, evenings with friends and holiday parties make the season filled with opportunities for socializing and engaging with everyone that you haven’t seen since the previous holiday. Do not over schedule yourself or you’ll end up exhausted and wishing for a vacation after your vacation.
Socializing is an art. Sometimes people gain energy from social interaction and are able to go from event to event, evening to evening and enjoy it all. Those people should go hard – full support! If you’re like me and many people I know, socializing needs to be managed. We want to see and spend time with everyone, however, this should not be a burden that takes away from our time to recharge. Protect your time, moments with your children and your space. You don’t owe anyone an interaction. Be wise with your commitments so that socializing is paced reasonably. This will be a gift to yourself and to those you socialize with because you will be more relaxed and present for your interactions. Everything needs to be unplugged periodically – reboot and restart. Even you.
Before you have a Christmas panic attack, make a plan for your own health and well-being! Self-care, paying close attention, managing expectations and knowing your limits will enhance your experiences and connections. Love when you can, where you can and how you can.
Love is all we’ve got!
Happy Holidays to all!
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