COVID-19 – Coping like a Superhero

Worry. There is no sense denying it. Our global consciousness right now is set to worry. My meditation teacher reminded us not to fall into fear. To remember our internal tools during this COVID-19 pandemic. Today’s discussion is about just that; internal tools. We’re going to establish how to cope like a superhero during times of crisis. I consider myself a complete emergency badass; a master of disaster. In fact, I have a Master’s degree in Disaster and Emergency Management. I decided to do a graduate degree on disasters so I could stop causing them. Got an emergency? I always have at least two happening. Give me a call. I’m available.

Feeling worried?

Amidst all the worry that most of us cannot ignore, there are varying degrees of impact. In some countries, it is worry that is causing the greatest troubles. Panic purchases, hoarding and capitalizing on the COVID-19 pandemic. The reality of some countries is that worry is the only true concern because the outbreak has not peaked. In other countries, worry is compounded with significant danger, catastrophic conditions and impossible circumstances. Life or death decisions are being made.

Whether you’re living in a country that is worried about possible impact or a country that has already been deeply impacted, a common thread is likely running between all of us. Our coping mechanisms just changed drastically. What helped us before might not be available, open or accessible anymore. Now what?

Is it normal to worry?

Yes. If you aren’t at least a bit worried, I am worried about that. It doesn’t mean panic; it means urgent action which I touched on in my last article. We all worry and accepting the feeling of worry is step one in becoming a coping superhero. The COVID-19 pandemic has decimated cities in Asia and Europe, leaving public health officials and employees to work long hours and in a high risk situation.

In North American, we are desperately trying to flatten the curve and control the spread. Under these circumstances, it’s easy to become overwhelmed with worry. I feel the same worry that others do. I’m in Mexico with my two year old; Canada has closed it’s borders and I’ve made a series of contingency plans on how to live here, should I have to.  She has had one allergic reaction already (although not severe) and I am trying to learn every Spanish word for peanut, peanuts, nuts, etc. so that she doesn’t go into anaphylactic shock. Schools, businesses and programs are closed at home. Daycare is closed. My siblings are at home and understandably, they are worried. I’m worried there won’t be any toilet paper when I return.

Resource management

There are always worries. Now and throughout all of life. In certain circumstances, the unfolding of an event (personally or globally) can alter our health and our coping mechanisms. This includes mental health. When we lose our resources, we often begin to lose our health and right now, we need as many superheroes as possible. We need to look at what we DO have on our side. What resources can be utilized? How can we best help ourselves? And one another? How can we become a collective of coping superheroes?

In my opinion, our greatest tool right now is the internet. It is also causing the greatest amount of distress. The internet is a double edge sword and in that way, it reminds me of the mind. Our mind can be a tool that works to our advantage; a problem solving machine and interpretation conglomerate. The mind can also paralyze us. It has done so to me and to many others. We need to consider our own lives, how we function, what we need and where the gaps are in order to attain coping superhero status.

Becoming a mother

These circumstances remind me of what it felt like to become a mother. Yes, I said it. The current global pandemic reminds me of the feeling of motherhood. It’s just that fun. It is the first time I’ve been in a situation so similar to what I went through during motherhood. Perhaps this is a part of motherhood that people don’t discuss very often. Or don’t recognize. Or perhaps, this is the reason having a baby for the first time is so hard. Every coping mechanism that you had is likely gone. You are still you but your life is not yours anymore. It’s you and baby. A brand new life. There should be a large font disclaimer about what it means to get a ‘brand new life’. The disclaimer should come with anti-anxiety medication, condoms and a kitten who just had an espresso.

My old life goes out the window

I used to attend a yoga class every Thursday morning. My friend and I shared the class (we alternated teaching) until I decided I wanted to be a student in that class and not the teacher. I loved how my friend taught and for years, I attended every class and workshop she offered. My spiritual life was active; I was a student at a meditation school and had a lovely class that I’d been journeying with for a decade. My fellow students and my teacher were a great source of stability.

I meditated every day, taught yoga and took care of my mental health. Practicing yoga was a routine and I went to the gym often to reduce stress.  I saw a dietician to continue recovering from past challenges, I knit when I was overwhelmed and I had a relatively good social life.  Coaching was my favourite and at the time, my cheerleading team was like a family in and of itself.

New life

Coaching kept me happy. Practicing yoga with my favourite teachers kept my body calm and peaceful. Going to meditation class kept me stable and curious. Teaching yoga kept me connected. Meditating in the mornings gave me a moment to check in with myself and prepare if things looked like Nightmare on Elm Street in my head. Just like most of us, I had routines that kept me in check and structure in my life. A dog to walk, a mortgage to pay; a job to go to and enough space to take a weekend off for a retreat or cabin adventure. I had dinner with my family once a week and while life wasn’t easy, I was successfully managing my shit and my level of sanity was socially acceptable.

Then I had a baby.

Losing my shit

I was still me. I still needed yoga, my support system and all of the coping skills I had worked so hard to learn. Previous to babytown, I was seeing a therapist to ensure my old, unhealthy coping mechanisms didn’t take over again because they were definitely more harmful than helpful. During maternity leave, I was able to continue with a few of my coping mechanisms. I found another yoga program that I now love dearly and I continued to exercise. Things were different but I was still able to cope. Then I went back to work and that’s when I lost my shit.

Every positive coping mechanism I had disappeared at the same time. I tried to keep a few of them together while working and parenting but it wasn’t possible. There seemed to be no money, time or energy nor did I have a permanent babysitter. I stopped all forms of mental health treatment, stopped teaching yoga; I’ve never attended my friend’s beautiful Thursday morning class again and I quit coaching. No coaching, no teaching, a little bit of yoga eventually. No morning meditation, I had to quit the meditation school and leave my fellow spiritual explorers. My social life was non-existent and I felt like the worst friend. Knitting, I’m sure, is over for the next 20 years.

Loss, grief, fall

When I look back and reflect on the most difficult losses, they were the elements that made me feel connected to love and calm in my body. I can exercise anywhere but I can’t go to my class with a teacher who I feel deeply connected to. I couldn’t actually see a therapist or dietician, even if I did slip backwards. My community was my coping mechanism and it felt as if all my communities and go to people were gone overnight. I had been deeply dedicated to spiritual practice and even that seemed to collapse. It was like seeing my inner world fall apart piece by piece after I had just put it all together.

All of that was replaced by work in many new forms. I could perhaps set up a Skype session with a therapist if I needed to but when would I have time? I work. I write. My daughter is two. I have to strategize going downstairs to my basement to get laundry because by the time I come back up, my dog has finished her jealousy pee on my couch and my daughter has finished her Picasso on my wall.

Trying to cope with loss of coping

I remember being about three months into full time work (and full time daycare). I had been sick for the entire three months and so had my daughter); I missed my support systems so much. I was truly in a state of depression and grief. I grieved the loss of so much; not simply coping mechanisms but connections I had that seemed to disappear.

Everything at the same time. But I was still me. Bumps and all. I still needed a person to help me; a therapist in case I slipped. I needed to be teaching because it was my greatest happiness. All of that was not to be. If I had to describe my first year as a working single mother in one emotive, it would be grief. It was my most prominent emotion and despite making it through the year seemingly successful, I struggled with the feeling of loss a great deal. Maybe other mothers don’t feel that. I have no idea. But I sure did.

And today, it is the same

As I look at the circumstances in the world now, I can’t help but assume many are in a similar position to me or perhaps much worse. Worry and grief are overwhelming the mind and it is impossible to escape. We can’t deny the severity of a pandemic. In these times, or any time that your life explodes, you need to start again.

There is a mixture that happens of starting again, letting go and acceptance. I am going through it right now because all the coping mechanisms that I developed are now gone too. Yoga is closed, I can’t connect with people face to face, I can’t teach, my work is at home and I’m heading into 14 days of isolation if/when I can get back to my own country. But I’m not overly distressed because I prepared for this. I did this already and I’m a coping superhero now. You will be too.

Look deeper

Starting again doesn’t mean starting your life again. It means looking at what coping mechanisms you’ve lost and asking yourself how you can start again. I know a few psychologists and therapists offering online sessions; that is a perfect use of technology to help people through this difficult time.

Letting go of your past coping mechanisms could be painful. It certainly has been for me – both maladaptive and adaptive coping mechanisms. This is where acceptance has to come in. It’s ok to feel grief and loss. It’s ok to feel fear that you won’t be ok. It doesn’t mean you actually won’t be ok. It means you feel that way. Ask yourself these questions and see if you can make a plan for yourself. A care plan, a support plan; whatever you need the most. You are the expert of your own experience.

Ask yourself

What were my most frequently used coping mechanisms for mental and physical health?

Which of these is not possible at this time?

What can I add that would help me? How can I use creativity, innovation and intelligence to add coping mechanisms in the areas I notice loss or lack?

What am I most distressed about? And is that happening now or is it a worry?

When we address what is actually happening now (you need to act) and what we’re worried about (the story of the mind), we can identify exactly what resources we have around us that would help the most.

Surviving a bear attack. Or a pandemic

One time, my dietician told me that bears sit on peoples’ faces and start eating them stomach first. I don’t know if that’s true or not and I also don’t remember what it had to do with my meal plan. We did talk about bears a lot though. We talked about survival a lot too and as I’ve mentioned in my eating disorder article, my dietician is a true superhero. A superhero of many things, including coping and telling me disturbing pieces of information like the bear thing.

I immediately began planning how I would take down the bear. I told her I would lift my legs up as hard and fast as I could and kick the shit out of the bear. I would destroy it’s fucking face with my kickboxing skills and the moment I could roll out from under it, I would run like a leopard. If I had to, I would kill the bear. I don’t know how but I told her that if I couldn’t out run it, I would kill it. What other choice would I have? I like bears. They seem great.  But if one of them tried to eat me, I would not be the one to die easily. She laughed at my detailed description of the Bear vs. Nadia shake down and told me “and that’s why you’re going to survive this. Because you fight. You fight harder than anyone“.

Fight. Cope. Live.

Fighting a bear is not exactly what we’re dealing with during this pandemic but it is a reasonable comparison. A virus and a bear are basically the same thing. During a time when you have limited resources, you need to be creative. Focus the mind and use your intuition to figure out what resources you have. Look around and identify physical resources, digital resources and assess your internal resources. What’s in your toolbox?

Have three people you can call. FaceTime them. Stay in contact.

Help if you can. Helping always soothes the soul.

Don’t take risks with the virus. The less risk you take, the less chance it spreads and the faster it’s over. And it will be over. Nothing lasts forever.

Coping mechanisms are fluid

Do an inventory of your coping mechanisms on a regular basis and ensure you have access to external resources and knowledge of your internal resources. Be open to changing them. It is the only way I’ve survived. We often determine what helps on a internal level and it has little to do with the actual, physical element. I did handstands for twenty years in gymnastics and did not find it to be a replenishing, rejuvenating experience. When I learned a handstand in yoga, it was different and did become a source of good health and replenishment. Same physical catalyst, completely different purpose, experience and impact. You can decide what helps you.

Internal resources

Internal resources are always with you. Awareness of breath is an internal resource. It moves the awareness out of the stories of the mind and into the present moment. Every meditation on the TR Meditation Club page is a separate internal resource. Yoga is an internal resource. It is a physical one as well, however, it’s important to remember that yoga and meditation come from within each of us. Not from any single teacher or program. Self soothing, harm reduction, distress tolerance and non-identification with transient emotional states are internal resources.

Remember that we’re in this together. Social isolation doesn’t mean total isolation. It means geographically you’re isolated, but you have the ability to call, email, FaceTime, Skype or Morse code anyone you want. You have books, blogs and Youtube. You can knit. Trust me – it really helps. I always feel like I have a better day when I wear my oversized, bright purple, knitted, floppy hat. Or my extra thread, multi-coloured leg warmers. They’re so professional and cool.

We need to cope with our worries and we need to accept that our issues won’t go away during a pandemic. They’ll still be there. But the pandemic is there too. So we have to do both. Cope with ourselves and cope with the pandemic.

Coping superheroes

I loved the video of Italians singing out their windows to keep hope alive. There is a movement in Canada that I’ve jumped on board with called caremongering. While the world is scaremongering, we’re caremongering. What can we do to help? Even in isolation, this is the time for community to come through. Community is one of our greatest resources and tools for success. I even joined a local caremongering Facebook group so I can stay connected to my community, help where I can and offer support. I am going to caremonger the shit out of you, Winnipeg!

It’s party time, Superheroes!

When I get back home (date and mechanism to be determined), I might have a FaceTime party. It’s where I invite all my friends over for wine and everyone joins a FaceTime discussion and we have a great time. We might even have dinner together. Again, over Facetime. I will sit at my table surrounded by electronic devices connected to everyone I love and have the best damn dinner party in modern history.

Take action today. Make a list. How do you cope? Where are your gaps? What will you fill them in with? Prepare yourself to be a superhero. This is our time to shine!

Thank you for reading!