Pandemic Partners – You, the Kids, the Work. How to manage the fun.

We are heading into my favourite season; Spring. It’s a time for new life and the reemergence of hibernating animals, such as bears and Canadians. You may find that Spring is a bit different this year because despite the blooming flowers and fresh air, everyone keeps telling you to go home. You’ve probably never been told to go home so often in your entire life. Whether the weather is hot, cold or in between; it is likely you’ve been paired up with a pandemic partner or two. Most likely your spouse, children, pets or plants are all living under one roof for considerably more time per day than you’re used to. You might be living alone; another difficult isolation scenario. How do we keep ourselves going, our kids busy and work from home? Let’s talk management of all that fun.

Pandemic partners

I continue to feel optimistic about the outcome of the pandemic and believe that scientific innovation, human resiliency and shifts in our behaviour will mitigate the impact of COVID-19. In the meantime, you have new pandemic partners to work with, assuming you haven’t filed for divorce yet or thrown one of your children out a window.

Let’s discuss the burning question that many of us are struggling to answer. How do you remain productive during this time? Maybe you have to work. You’ve been set up to work at home. Now you’re in a small but comfortable prison with your family and need to get some shit done. Let’s get into that first and then we will get into the child-free isolationists who are likely contending with boredom, endless Zoom offers and watching friends they’ve never met going ‘live’ on Instagram.

The kids, the work, the fun

In order to work from home with your children present, you need one thing. This one, critical element will make or break your experience. Keep in mind that it’s not going to be easy. We’re all in survival mode, however, we do need to succeed at that. As I see unusual and dangerous COVID-19 related challenges pop up on Youtube, such as ‘lick a toilet seat’ or ‘lick a Walmart shelf’, I wonder if this is some type of cosmic lesson in real-time, ultra-speed Darwinism. We’ll see.

Step one to survival

Let’s get back to the critical survival element for isolation. This applies to people living alone and those trying to work with their children (or spouse) at home. It may sound obvious but this is truly the first step to success. You need a schedule. Whether you’re on your own, working with toddlers at your ankles or teaching your children the remainder of their school year as you desperately try to remember high school chemistry, you will need a schedule to maintain a socially acceptable level of sanity.

Let’s begin with the situation of having children at home. You’re working from home with little ones and/or have been given a sudden and involuntary teaching diploma without salary). Your first step is you evaluate your child’s regular schedule. What time do they wake? What time do they nap (only for little ones and teenagers)? What time do they eat meals, have a snack; feel energized or feel agitated?

Keep it steady

Often during a time such as this, we forget that although children may not fully understand what’s happening, they feel what we feel. If we’re anxious and angry, our children will be as well. The goal of the schedule is to create a consistent and happy home environment that parallels their regular schedule. They are human, just like us, and knowing how their day is going to unfold will help them tremendously (just like us).

Take their favourite shit

The first thing I suggest you do with your tiny pandemic partner(s), is take away all their favourite toys. Hide them somewhere very secret (like your bedroom). This might work with your spouse too. Identify exactly which activities captivate your child’s attention the most. It may only be one or two activities, or perhaps you have little ones with many interests. Either way, take that shit away. All of it. Make your house look like it’s up for sale and you’re having an open house every morning. Bye bye toys.

Create the foundation

After you’ve removed all of the favourite toys, begin making your schedule. Think about your day; when do you need time and space? Just because your children are at home doesn’t mean you’ll be with them all day. They’ll be practicing independence, which is very healthy. Begin your schedule with the essentials; the functions that your kid needs to live.

Usually this is a morning routine (breakfast, getting dressed), times that they will eat, nap and a bedtime routine. These staples are the foundation of the schedule. Eating and sleeping; every day they will know the main components. They will be rested, fed and dressed. If you can do this, you’re already doing so great. Congrats on keeping your offspring alive.

Create the fun

Once the foundation is created, schedule in their favourite activities throughout the day. Nothing should be less than thirty minutes (unless you have a newborn). I have a two year old and no activity is less than thirty minutes, even if she doesn’t want to continue. If she’s having art time, she can fuss around and do whatever she wants with crayons and paper. No other toy is coming out. Art time is art time.

Manage the fun with wisdom

Try to create a schedule that will keep your child or children stimulated. I’m not a child development expert so I do have screen time on my schedule. Twice. One time for Cosmic Kids Yoga (get into it) and one time for educational programming about colours, shapes, animals and vehicles. I’ve heard the Wheels on the Bus 367 times.

When you put activities on your schedule, consider how your child feels at that time of day. If they are energetic first thing in the morning, schedule in activities that involve movement. I have trampoline time (yes, I let my child jump on a trampoline in my house), car time (she’s driving in a toy car around my living room) and bike time (another yes, I let her bike in my house). Is it going to harm my house? Yes, it probably will. Is it going to keep me sane? YES, you bet your ass it will. She loves that damn car. Beep beep!

Revealing activities in a progressive way

My daughter has a nap and so that is scheduled right after a quick snack. If your kid is not a napper, perhaps you can add in reading time. I told my two year old we were in a Book Club; we sit around for 30 minutes on weekends and read. I don’t read to her (I do at night but not at book club); she reads out loud or just stacks books. It’s perfectly fine; I trust her to play and encourage her to play with books in any way she wants. Our book club is pretty flexible like that.

Reveal a new favourite activity every thirty minutes or hour. I have four segments of activity during my toddler schedule (outside of the foundation). Two in the morning and two in the afternoon.

Safe Space time

One very important time of day is Safe Space time. It isn’t easy at the beginning (for little ones). For teenagers, you may not be able to remove them from their safe space. So this activity could be ‘come out of your room and put down your phone’ time for teenagers. Janet Lansbury, a phenomenal parenting coach, talks a lot about safe spaces. It’s an entire space that is 100% safe for your kiddo to play. The goal here is safety and independence.

My daughter’s bedroom is her safe space. I put a baby gate on her bedroom door and go into the room with her. I reveal an amazing new toy (which is really just a toy she loves that I hid and it magically appears) and I ask her what other toys she’d like to bring out for her special safe space time. She brings what she wants and I intentionally ask the dog to leave the room so she feels it’s special time for just her. It’s HER time.

The best toys for safe space time

Usually I bust out her toy baby for this portion of the day. She loves that damn little doll and since there are diapers, swaddles and other baby items in her room, she transforms into the most loving mother. It’s inspiring. The challenge with this is that you’re leaving your child in their safe space alone. I casually leave her room after we’ve got all the cool stuff out and she just keeps playing. When she calls out my name, I answer and tell her I cannot come because I am working.

At the beginning of this process, she lost her shit the moment I put the gate up. She threw toys over the gate thinking I would come and give them back (obviously not). She yelled every mom buzz word she knows, such as poopy, hug, help and water please. After about two minutes of reassurance (from outside the room) that I’m with her, I’m in the house and she’s frustrated because there is a gate up, she begins to agree with me.

Don’t take your child’s emotion personally

I’ll say “you’re frustrated that I can’t play with you right now” and she agrees. Over time, explaining her own emotion to her allows her to feel it and accept it, knowing that I’m not mad or reacting. I’m also not backing down. I’m compassionate to her feelings and help her identify them. Eventually they pass (much faster than my own emotions pass) and she feels safe to play independently. I can leave her in a room alone for one hour now.

Personally, I only feel that the ‘pandemic partner’ schedule is applicable to my work hours because outside of that, it’s our normal routine. As a single parent, I have always had a schedule. Not only for her to feel safe and in control but for me to know when breaks are coming and when harder moments are coming. I have had very little trouble with her but I think I just got lucky. 

Creativity and intelligence

If you have little ones, be creative. I have one hour dedicated to Tupperware. I have no idea why but kids love Tupperware. They don’t need fancy toys; you just need to identify what captivates their attention. What do your kids enjoy? What keeps them focused? The thirty minute rule is one I implemented at the advice of a very wise friend, Amanda. She has three children and I saw first-hand the benefit of a schedule and of implementing a time range for an activity. It helps children learn to focus and become self-disciplined. 

How to avoid cooking

Cooking takes up a lot of time and right now, you may not have a lot of that. If you do, feel free to cook up a storm! If you’re like me, you are busy and don’t want to spend time cooking during the week. It’s just not fun and it doesn’t fit. Do all the cooking on the weekend and make pre-portioned food that you can freeze (unless you enjoy cooking and have time for it; neither of which is my life). I usually cook items from all food groups on the weekend, as well as prepare any food I need for myself.

Everything gets frozen. If you have food that may spoil then don’t let it go to waste. Make something with it and freeze it. I don’t let fruit go to waste because once it begins to look less fresh, I blend it with yogurt, freeze it and give my daughter homemade fruit squeezies. I cook vegetables, meat, fruit blends, potato, sweet potato, etc. Don’t let anything go bad; prepare everything on the weekend so that your weekday evenings are home cooked food that simply needs warming up or mixing.

Gotta learn, I guess

If your kids are off school and you’re expected to teach them the remainder of their curriculum, then you have a pretty difficult job. I think every parent that even tries to educate their own child is a hero. We obviously have teachers that are educated for a reason and it doesn’t mean you’ll do a bad job. It just means you’ll do a different job and that’s ok. Providing a schedule to your children for school is imperative. They have a schedule in school and you’ll need to try to parallel that.

Do they have recess? Give them play time when they normally have recess. Do you have teenagers who have spares? Perhaps they can have time on their phone during their ‘spares’ and study what they’re supposed to during your scheduled school hours. I understand it is difficult. Do your best; it’s all we can really do. Remember you have full control over your child’s phone (see link for instructions). Certainly do not let your children think this is summer vacation. It’s not. It’s time to be adaptive and resilient. Plus your actual summer vacation will really suck if you’ve kicked it off with pandemic isolation.

Tips and lessons I’ve learned from fucking things up.

Close all doors in your home. If you don’t, the kid(s) will demolish the house within the first thirty seconds of your conference call. Use locks if you need to; the only open doors are the ones where your child can go safely and you can get to them easily. I don’t allow my daughter in her playroom in the basement during the day because I cannot supervise her. I go downstairs with her if we have time at night. Safety and strategy.

Keep yourself healthy. I forgot my own health for about a week and once I realized it, I made a commitment to staying healthy during this period of time. I noticed I got irritated, overwhelmed and tired. All of that was from poor health. Get up in the morning, get dressed and do something. Even if you aren’t working, you have ample options for being productive. 

How to live alone and crush it

You could easily come out of this pandemic knowing a new language, having practiced dance, yoga or meditation with your favourite teachers and likely, you’re already a pro at Zoom. One of my favourite activities of the week is breakfast club. My friends and I have a Sunday morning breakfast club over Zoom where we show up (clothing and hygiene optional), have coffee together and we have talking points to keep us from obsessing about the pandemic.

The talking points include things like ‘what’s new on Disney plus?’ and ‘funny pet videos’. Get creative. If you’re involved in any clubs or teams, they likely have an online option. I know a lot of people are making jokes about binge watching TV, not getting dressed, learning nothing; doing nothing.

I can understand that we’ve been living in such a busy world and now that you’ve been given an actual ORDER to do shit all and you’re a hero for it, why bother doing anything? Liquor stores are an essential service and if you’re Canadian, so is Cannabis. Do not get drunk or high all day. I will tell you why.

False pleasures don’t last

If you take the first week of isolation to kick it on the couch, then I support you. You do you. Here’s the thing. We are in a global crisis so everyone feels a bit more anxious or uncertain than usual. Being alone while anxious is a recipe for disaster; that is why I promote meditation so much. It has helped me, and so many others, learn to train the mind.

When you are alone and in a crisis situation, every single one of your issues is going to bubble to the surface. You might notice yourself feeling more depressed. Or perhaps those old, maladaptive habits seem to be returning. You can easily spiral downward when you have no direction.

How to rock it solo

Challenges and changes are what keep us going. Despite our tendency to hate change, it is actually what keeps life exciting. When you’re isolated in your home, you need to create those challenges for yourself and that isn’t easy. I strongly encourage you to make a schedule and set an alarm to get up. You will find that laziness, indifference and constant messages of fear sent by the media will quickly consume you. You will not feel well. And this is a perfect opportunity for you to better yourself. Truly!

Think of it like this. You’re already feeling every issue that you have emerging like an atom bomb. I know the feeling. When I don’t have challenges in my life, I tend to create really dangerous ones for myself that are stupid, usually pointless and send me even further into a self destructive rage spiral. It’s hard work to create a schedule and challenges for yourself.

List of success

1. Set an alarm, get up, shower and get dressed. Comfortable clothes are great. Pajamas are not. They keep the mind in laziness-mode. Put clothes on. You got this.

2. Get involved with one learning activity. Many universities are offering online courses and Rosetta is offering language training for free. There are also groups you can join on pretty much any topic. Learn to knit, cook (not me….but someone might want to) or meditate. If you decide your learning activity is meditation, you have all the tools right here. You need to learn something in order to keep yourself happy.

3. Interact with AT LEAST one person per day. It came via Zoom, Facetime, Skype or just a phone call. Being in isolation doesn’t mean you’ve been dropped on Jupiter. Everyone is at home. Call someone.

4. Know that it’s normal to feel like shit right now. Why would you feel awesome about a pandemic? You won’t (if you do, I won’t ask why but perhaps return to the ‘learn something’ section and choose virology). So many people I know are suffering because they don’t think they should be suffering. This is hard. THIS IS FUCKING HARD. Self-care is your best resource right now. Instead of trying to transform your emotion, be like a two year old. Express what you’re feeling. Acknowledge it and in that way, you can start to help yourself.

5. In addition to staying healthy, getting your ass out of bed and learning something, there is one more important piece of advice I will offer and I strongly encourage you to follow it. Lay. Off. The. News. You will see nothing but negativity. If your social media platforms are all negative stories about the pandemic, either unfollow or stop reading.

Get the facts, not the story

The truth is that you’re not getting valid information from the news. You’re getting a story. Every moment of every day, there are professionals around the world working on solutions for the pandemic. You will easily fall into the stories of death, conspiracy and argument if you let the news take you for a ride. A journalist needs a story. They want their business to thrive. We have a negativity bias in our brains and we grasp to the negative more easily than the positive. That’s particularly problematic when there is literally no positives being shown.

I cannot speak on behalf of anyone except myself. I am supporting the COVID-19 pandemic through my work and I feel optimistic. Everyday I hear people coming up with innovative solutions, sharing of information, working together and as often as possible to help one another. While it is truly a crisis and it is not being understated, there is no sense inundating yourself with story after story. The news is not working on a solution, however, other people are. Remember that.

Check the government websites in your country to see if any new protocols have come out and end it there. The news is NOT telling you about the pandemic data. It is telling you a story. It may be truthful; it may not. I have seen countless headlines that have been written in a way that deliberately misleads the public.

Here’s an example.

Headline: Woman in ICU dies of COVID-19!

Assumption: Woman is in ICU due to COVID-19, dies and therefore we’re all fucked.

Actual facts: Eighty-nine year old woman is in ICU for a significant period of time before the pandemic even begins and for a completely unrelated illness. Woman is literally on her death bed already. Autopsy results show positive for COVID-19. Woman, at no point, is conscious of anything because she was ALREADY IN ICU.

You see how a headline can mess you right up?

Take the pandemic seriously, however, remember that you’re watching stories on the news. If you want data, call your local health authority. Or just stay at home and learn something. Like journalism. Then fix this problem we have with glorifying negativity.

Stay safe and stay home!