Single Mother by Choice. A Guide to Father’s Day

Today is Father’s day! I plan to celebrate my own father, who is amazing, and my daughter will also celebrate his existence because today is Grandpa day too. Double fun! Are you a single mother by choice? Enjoy this hilarious and sarcastic explanation of a special day.

Single Mother By Choice

I am a single mother. By choice. What is that? Exactly as it sounds. I am a woman who decided that I wanted to become a parent. At that time, I did not have a partner to parent with. So I decided to do it on my own. I did my way. There are endless layers, from the ‘single mother’ part to the ‘by choice’ part, and all of the complexities that have come along with both.

There are many women who have opted to be parents and rock the journey solo. I know many of them personally and they have been a great inspiration to me. I was also a part of a wonderful online community during the process of trying to conceive a child; thousands of single women planning to become parents on their own. There are different methods, you could say, of achieving this new and ultra cool form of child creation. All are based on the same primal protocol of reproductive exercises however, in our current day and age, the options are quite vast. The nuclear family is not necessarily the dynamic of every family. In fact, it is in the evolution of dissolution from our expected social norms.

Biological Timelines

Women have a very small window of time that conception is socially acceptable, healthy, fun, feasible, etc. This truly gives us about 38 seconds of our reproductive prime time. If you’re too young, you won’t be ready and will live in your parents basement. If you’re too old, you will be so goddamn tired that your children will be your final demise. By some miracle, if you’re at a magical age where your biological clock, financial situation, psychological and physical health, as well as social circle, support systems and job security are finally perfect enough that you’re ‘ready’, for all intents and purposes, to have a child… then you better have a perfect relationship as well, right?

Wrong. We have a uterus. And options.

If everything else is intact from the above list, it’s go time. Or at least, that’s the story I told myself. And it really did work out perfectly.  If your beautiful little offspring was created through the process of artificial insemination and/or donor, you will likely want to explain it to them for fear they notice at some point. Here is my suggestion on the appropriate manner to explain a complex genetic process to a sweet little donor offspring. Aka a child. I have not experimented with this on my own child yet but I plan to, and yes, I have a therapist on retainer for her in case this backfires.

The perfect single mother by choice explanation

“Hi Sweetie. *kiss kiss* I’m happy to tell you how you were conceived. First, I love you. Here is how it went down. Your paternal genetics were cryo-shipped to a beautiful palace, similar to the Magic Kingdom, called a fertility clinic. He arrived in a small, cold tube of goo. It resembled many of the gooey things that you’ve sneezed out recently, except the goo was backed by testosterone-mediated dominance. I kept him on ice for quite a long time because he was small, easy to store and very quiet. It also prepared his internal systems for the arctic temperatures of Canada that he would surely feel once incarnation occurred (that’s you kiddo). It was a beautiful start to our relationship. I didn’t feel instantly bonded however I knew the merger would flourish when the time was right.

Father’s Day. Paternal Selection Process

I selected your specific paternal genetics based on many other options and he was the champion of an embryonic competition of Olympic calibre. It was a glorious moment for the Y. I felt ambivalent about how strong he truly was because speed and power were at the top of the priority list for conception. Due to this ambivalence, I ordered multiple copies of him and ensured that he would arrive with a minimum of 25,000 of his closest friends. He was very popular and so are you Sweetie.

Important details

I can tell you SO much about him. I do not know his name, nor did I see any of his body parts. He was, however, free of congenital illnesses and had never contracted an STI. He was a medical marvel and I knew he would be the beginning of a reproductive odyssey that would culminate in the most beautiful, unique and loving manifestation of reality that I had ever seen. Twas’ all true. Every prediction. He had many fascinating features that I know you would be enthralled by, such as a tail and a determination you wouldn’t believe. He was a ‘go against the grain’ type of composition. An upstream kinda guy.

Connections

Just like you, he was incredibly strong and in terms of athletics, he was a swimmer comparable to Michael Phelps. In all his microscopic glory, he and I began the merger in a chromosomal party that would create the most magnificent being; you! The party was a BYOS type occasion and thus, only the two of us were invited. During the party, I spent most of my time focusing on relaxation, excitement for your future and ignoring whatever else was happening.

Thawing your paternal genetics was a fast process, although he had been cold and small for so very long. He gave in quickly to warmth, which pleased me. Once the party really began, I was given a solid twenty minutes to nap. It was my best party trick. I have no idea where he was at that point however I bet the scene was challenging. It was likely a triathlon of heads, tails and panic. I took that time, as your paternal swimmer fought for his microscopic life, to do a handstand in the office where the party was held. Because gravity. He appreciated my hands-on assistance and I think most men do. You are so very perfect because the genomic communion began on such exciting, inverted terms.

A beautiful result

He now exists in his greatest form ever. He has reached maximum potential and I am grateful to him every single day. His former tail has been outgrown and he now conquers this physical realm as a double helix of magnificence that we call You. I am deeply appreciative of his skill set, generosity, Y chromosome and contribution to your phenotypic perfection.

In reality, every day is a celebration of him because you are the most beautiful creation either of us has ever been a part of. Any questions Sweetie? Love you. *kiss kiss*”

Do you know any single mothers by choice?
Do you think this explanation is appropriate for a toddler? Asking for a friend…