You’re doing a Good Job

You are doing a good job. Has anyone told you that during this difficult time? Because it’s true. You are breathing. You are alive. And in some way, I bet your life has changed because of this pandemic. There are a lot of people telling you that you’re not doing a good job. Maybe you’ve told others or felt that way about yourself. Maybe you can’t do a good job everyday. That’s ok.

It’s hard

I see how hard this is. It’s the hardest experience many of us have ever seen. The loss and separation is an insurmountable pain caused by an enemy that we had never met before last year. Of course, we falter. Of course, we deny. It’s normal because this has never happened before. But it is happening. And you know what? You doing a fucking awesome job at getting through this vortex of viral despair.

Remember when some of the freedom you thought was a God-given right was taken away? And when you couldn’t comprehend why some yokel on TV was telling you that you couldn’t see your parents? Your children? Then you felt like that yokel was not only at the top of your hit list but you felt so much rage that defying all yokel health orders seemed like it would alleviate the suffering. It didn’t. But you keep trying because what else is there to do? I understand where you’re coming from.

It’s painful

It is painful. It is rage. Rage, as an emotion, come from fear. Imagine fear escalating to terror; then terror needs to escalate and isn’t sure where to go. You hit an internal fight or flight threshold and shift into monster rage dinosaur. I get that. It’s normal to feel rage when nothing is under control, when terror is around you and when you have no goddamn idea what’s happening. You’re going to make. And you’re doing such a good job at tolerating that. You haven’t committed public homicide? See. You’re doing a good job!

Remember when you needed to go to the store but there was a mask mandate in place? And you didn’t know why you had to wear one, didn’t want to and on top of that, the mask caused you significant anxiety? And then, you felt so much inner turmoil about whether to wear a mask, cause a stir or forget the store journey all together?

But you pushed through it, put your damn mask on, went to the store, got home and took a benzodiazepine and a shot of vodka, the took to Facebook and told every person you knew the virus was a communist hoax and you nearly died getting broccoli. You did a great job. You faced all that rage, fear, confusion and disbelief and wore your mask. You did it. It’s ok that you hated it and your beliefs are yours. But you did it. You put that stupid fucking mask on and you got your damn broccoli and you know what? That’s winning. THAT’S WINNING. Great job.

The media is killing us

Remember when you were watching the news and everyone said it was ok. Then everyone said it was not as ok as we thought but only for other people and not you. Then the news starting showing horrible stories of death and loss; they were not near you. They were in countries you’d never been to and we don’t need additional negativity in our lives. So you changed the channel. I would too.

Remember when the news started showing those same stories except a bit closer to you? Then in a country you’d been too. And then they said it was in your country, your city, your neighbourhood. Remember when they said that and you didn’t see one goddamn sick person in your city but were forced to stay in your house and home school your children into illiteracy? You did something amazing right there. You stayed home. You watched and waited; evaluated the situation and asked questions. You did a good job. A really, really good job.

It’s all ok

Remember when there was no virus around and then it felt like it was over. You weren’t sure it even started, aside from what the media was telling you. But then, something happened and you didn’t even see it coming. No one did. In fact, no one saw it at all. Remember when everyone that you trust as your leader told you that things were under control, that cases were low and that you just needed to ‘be careful’?

Remember when things went back to normal for a moment. But then you woke up in the morning one day and something sunk in. It hit you like a wave. You were drowning in your own thoughts because suddenly, the invisible threat was back and even more suddenly, people were dying. Fast.

It’s not ok at all

You didn’t want to believe it was real. Where are these dying people, aside from on the news? Remember when you continued thinking it was complete bullshit but for some reason, all the leaders who told you it was ok were now telling you it was a massive emergency? And you were like “da fuck? I just got back from the beach and you said shit was fine. What do you mean I can’t go out? I was out yesterday. I was in a group of eleven so obviously only one person could have possibly gotten sick. The other ten of us are safe. I thought this was just a cold? It’s like flu. Less than the flu. It’s like a hangover”.

Then it got worse. You didn’t believe it but that didn’t seem to matter because a lot of other people did believe it. Enforcement started. You freaked out. What was happening? And what the shit is a coronavirus, I JUST HAD A CORONA AND AM FINE! Then things got even worse and your leaders started blaming you. Maybe even calling you and everyone you know an idiot. For what? You needed goddamn broccoli, were doing your best, had no evidence that the virus was even a real thing and now all you’re seeing is threats, coffins, horror stories and you’re convinced herd immunity is going to happen soon even though you just learned what it was yesterday.

I hear you

I know how awful that was. I hear you. I see you. You did a great job. You did a great job of freaking out for a completely justifiable reason, asking questions and feeling total disbelief. That was a very good, human thing to do.

It’s hard to believe something is real when you’ve never heard of it, nor has anyone, you can’t see it and aside from people within the age range of 102 or over, no one on the face of this planet had seen anything like this in their lives. No one. Not one person could give advice on how to navigate this because no one person had ever been through it. You did a good job of tolerating that lack of knowledge and still having to respond to it. You did a great job, in fact. Because you kept going. You tried your best.

You’re doing it

What is your best? It’s doing a good job as often as you can.

Maybe you had a day where you felt so frustrated with the circumstances that you ripped into someone online to make sure they also felt shitty, then you found credible Google statistics that indicated to you that masks and public health measures were ineffective and you have never washed your hands aside from numbers 2s and you’re not going to start now. After that enormous feeling of anger, resentment and the statistic you found that proved your point, you again took to the internet to showcase your evidence and ensure everyone knew this was fucking crap.

On that same day, you didn’t go out. On the inside, you actually felt incredibly depressed and lonely. Your message was delivered in two ways; yelling and swearing to the outside world and quiet tears that no one saw from behind the keyboard you so desperately hoped would convey your despair and maybe even lessen it. It doesn’t. It didn’t. It infuriated you because people argued and really, you were already at you lowest.

You’re still doing great

People get angry at you online, you are angry at them and what no one is seeing is both people sad and alone; neither person really wanting to hurt anyone. You did a good job. Everyday is not a perfect day. You did a good job because you noticed your anger and you reached out. Maybe tomorrow it will be with less hostility but if not, that’s ok. Because when those other people lashed back into you and you were distracted for three hours due to an argument with some random from another country who pissed you off, you stayed.

You felt. The experience you had was normal and hopefully, no one was truly harmed from your words. During that long exchange, you voiced your fear. Your stance. And you didn’t leave your house because you were doing that. I think you did a great job. Because this is really hard.

Keep going. You’re doing awesome

Remember when you lost your job and thought your life was over. Then the government gave you hope that they would help fund your life given that the shut down and job loss had nothing to do with you or your performance. They did help but there were caveats. Loopholes. Details. It didn’t work out as well as you’d hoped. Your life was falling apart and you reached a point where you didn’t care about some virus that you couldn’t see.

You needed to feed your family. So you fought for every cent. You fought to end these restrictions. Initially, you took to other people for forcing this upon you. Overtime, you couldn’t blame anymore because all you had in you was the energy to try to keep your family going. You rationed food for the first time in your life.

You’ve got this

You mixed milk and water together to make it last longer. You tried to freeze and conserve every single shred of food you had just in case you couldn’t make it next month. To make it worse, you turned on the news and saw death, grief and blame. People blamed you for not doing enough. For not staying home. Even the leaders who told you everything was under control were blaming you for causing the spread of a virus when you were facing problems like poverty, panic, mental illness and despair. It was…it is the worst time. It is hard as hell right now. It’s ok to admit that. Actually, I think we need to.

Fuck what those people said to you. YOU did not spread this virus. You did not create this problem nor have you been deliberately trying to make it worse. You are scared, desperate and trying to survive. You are doing a fucking great job. This is the hardest situation we have ever been in as global community. You’re just scraping by but you’re making it, albeit with deep rage about the situation. You. Are. Surviving.

Don’t give up! I feel it too

You are doing such a good job. I’ve never had to ration my milk. My daughter is two and had to wear a mask when she was admitted to hospital for an asthma attack. She couldn’t breath. She’s two. But I had to get her to wear a mask. I had to learn what asthma looked like and how to treat it when my daughter stopped breathing. I slept on a little bed beside her crib in the hospital. There were no visitors allowed because of COVID. I woke up hourly to administer a puffer; I did so for 18 hours straight. I wished I had my family with me; a parent, a sibling or a friend. The nights were dark and long; thinking about people in ICU and wondering if my kid was next. She wasn’t. But someone else’s was. When I took her home, I was alone again. Managing asthma on top of a peanut allergy, being a single mother in a pandemic, working full time and trying to maintain a happy household. Inside my body shook every day with anxiety. It still does. But we keep going.

We are doing a good job. This is extremely difficult. There is not one person who hasn’t been impacted by this pandemic and all of the suffering that spawned from it. It is not only the virus and who it infects that is hurt. Everyone is. Whether you directly meet COVID or not, you’ve been impacted forever by this year. Forever.

Don’t minimize this. It’s hard. You can do it.

This is a global trauma. When you experience trauma, you can’t believe it’s real. It takes an enormous effort to believe your own mind; to believe that what happened or is happening is actually reality. A trauma is outside of reality. The mind doesn’t process it right away because it just can’t be. It can’t. Then it is and we collapse. I know what that feels like. A thousand times over. And I’m so sorry it is happening to you. Just because everyone is suffering doesn’t lessen yours. Never let anyone minimize what you’re going through.

Know this. No matter who you are and no matter how many good and bad moments you’ve had, you are doing an amazing job at surviving this. If you are alive, you’re doing a good job. To want to survive is our natural humanity. Even when we lash out, we want to survive. The survival instinct is what keeps use fighting, pushing, asking questions, feeling rage and feeling blame. It’s ok to feel those things. But remember, it is no ones fault. Not yours. Not anyone’s. You’re doing great.

I see it too. And feel it. We can do this.

Remember that time you spent a year in the worst depression of your life and no one said anything positive to you? You turned on the news and heard that either the virus was fake or that the spread was your fault. Yet you were there, feeling your absolute worst, all the while being either invalidated or blamed.

That was fucking mean. You didn’t deserve that. You know what you did deserve? Kindness. Compassion. And understanding voice to say “I know this is hard. It’s actually the hardest thing that’s ever happened and I don’t know if it’s real or not, if it will end or not and I don’t know who to trust either. But I see that you’re suffering and I’m sorry. This is very hard.”

You’re doing the best. Keep trying.

You are doing a good job. If you are reading this, you’re alive. You have managed to survive this long and this year will be written about in history books that people will read in 100 years. Because that’s how long it’s been since this happened to our world and when it did in 1918, no one ever forgot. Ever. And no one will ever forget the suffering you’ve gone through and the tenacity it took for you to survive this.

This is a war. Don’t let anyone tell you that you should’t feel how you’re feeling. You didn’t sign up for this war. None of us did. We didn’t join the virus army. But here we are on the battlefield. A battlefield that no one has ever stood on before. Not in our lifetime, for the most part.

You are nailing this shit, even if it feels awful.

Don’t let anyone tell you that this is your fault and don’t let yourself fail into the delusion that it is someone else’s fault. A viral outbreak is the fault of a virus. Of nature. And while it seems like the virus is winning. I believe the complete opposite. I wholeheartedly believe that it is because of your efforts, our efforts, that we are doing well. I know that it doesn’t look like we’re doing well. It looks horrific (because it is ), however, it doesn’t mean WE are doing poorly. It means this is an extremely aggressive, complex situation of many casualties and a global trauma on every level.

You are doing a good job

Just because the virus is still here doesn’t mean we’re failing. You are not failing. Neither is your friend or neighbour. They are doing their very best from their place of consciousness. And it’s a good job. Because you’re reading this. That means so far, you’re a soldier still standing and we stand together.

Keep going. Survive. You are doing a good job.