I have actively participated in some form of athletics throughout my life. I only let go of exercise completely during my pregnancy when it took a hard left, and there was no returning from the pit of darkness and pain. Diving across medical boundaries like a flying squirrel, tormenting even the most experienced neurologists around me; the pregnancy was a truly uninspiring experience with an excellent outcome. Tumors and babies created a mixed signal, but we’re fine now. I’ve engaged in a bit too much gymnastics, some triathlon, yoga, cheerleading, basketball, running, hiking biking and liked most of it.
Coffee Mug Motivation
While I am an agile person who can climb trees and scale things like an advanced monkey, I have the hand eye coordination of a toddler. A small one who still walks like a star and falls if they feel wind blow. My abilities are limited. For many years, people have suggested I try martial arts. I decided to enroll myself and my daughter in Karate. The journey from yogi to ninja has been a performance, to say the least. I have also earned myself the nickname ‘Reckless.’
My entire karate journey began when my friend told me to watch Kill Bill. I became enthralled envisioning myself as Uma Thurman, snap kicking a mug of hot coffee into an opponent’s face as I was being shot at through a box of Lucky Charms. Why can’t I do that? My kid loves those Sucky Charms and I love coffee. I need a Coffee Sensei right now.
Business Attire and Bloody Knuckles
When my life came up against barriers that I did not have enough resources to manage, I began looking at different types of martial arts to complement my many namastes. I had tried a few different types recreationally and they may have been aerobics classes. Kill Bill seemed next level, so I immediately bought a heavy weight punching bag, installed it and round house kicked it right off the joist. Then I punched it as hard as I could to manage the rage from the round house kick.
A friend insightfully suggested my punching technique is probably shit when we were in a very professional situation together and I had bloody knuckles. I want to say they helped me, professionally, but it really didn’t align with any of my work. Punching is strongly frowned up in the workplace. Openly bloody knuckles in meetings and conferences are also uncommon, and even concerning for some depending on the meeting. I began looking for a studio of some sort that taught something involving punching things. That is the extent of knowledge I began with when I entered the world of Shotokan Karate. Kill Bill, business attire and bloody knuckles.
Somewhere That Taught Punching
I found a studio, known as a dojo, who’s business name was Dojo. This seemed perfect; clear, self-explanatory, and fairly easy to remember. I emailed the program director in mid-May. Somehow, I agreed to do a trial class in late August. Between May and August, I ran my own personal interrogation of the program director and investigation of this so called ‘dojo,’ where we learn a very competitive recreational activity. Luckily, the lovely program director, who’s name was Sensei, walked me through each question with the patience of a Zen monk. Four short months later, I felt ready for the trial class and to meet this ‘sensei’ in real life.
So Much Confusion
When I imagined the first class, I envisioned a typical Boxercise class in a standard studio with lots of people and activity. I had no idea what to wear so yoga clothing seemed appropriate. I planned to show up for this single trial class in the same way as I approach online Trial Memberships. This trial will be short-lived, and I am not committing, the trial is for free shipping only. Naturally, I also planned to hide in the back corner and observe the activity to determine if I can do it, should do it and whether or not I am going to get punched in the face.
Happy
The first thing I did at the trial class is sign a waiver confirming my approval of getting punched in the face. I signed without hesitation. The sensei turned out to be a human. Her name is Sensei Soleil. Contrary to the image I had in my mind of a sensei tearing my eyeballs out (Kill Bill), Sensei Soleil was the best. She could tear my eyeballs out, don’t get me wrong…or at least I assume she can because she teaches many different ways of doing so. The woman is the most loving, understanding, and skilled martial artist I’ve ever seen. I haven’t seen many but to me, she performs Kill Bill calibre miracles.
I think she is an inspiration for all women; we live in a society where women are pushing harder than ever before to be seen, heard and truly have equitable lifestyles. These are not battles in a martial arts world only but in many layers of society. Gender inequality remains a driver of social and cultural inequality; a root problem in our world that we have yet to fix.
Happy Yelling
Sensei Soleil has intensity, of course, like any good coach. Intensity is very different from cruelty, harm or being downright mean. Intensity is wanting the best from your students and yourself every single practice. I resonate with her teaching style because it reminds me of how I coached. When she yells at me and says, ‘WE DON’T DO KARATE ON A TIGHTROPE!!!!!’ I feel comforted and happy. Her dedication to the destruction and catastrophic implosion of my old gymnastics habits is something I couldn’t be more on board with. The way she began teaching me karate is by telling me her goal was to make sure I kept smiling in classes. No coach had ever started their teaching by saying that to me. I thought that was a batshit bananas goal and here I am, writing about how I still love karate and I smile every practice of this weird competitive reactional aggressive but controlled activity.
Happily Viral
The giant Boxercise class of 40 turned out to be a class of 5 people in cotton white snowsuits, however, over time the classes got much bigger. I opted to do a summer trial class and apparently, dedication during peak summer months dwindles a bit. That is likely due to the nanosecond of summer we have in Canada. The outfits were similar to my hazmat suit except no visor. It seemed like there should be a visor, given the waiver I signed about being punched in the face.
In no world could I possibly hide at the back of a class of five people. That plan crashed before it took off. I wore my yoga clothes, watched the others in white snowsuits with various colours of belts on, and got ready to punch things. I was taught to punch air and that is as far as I was allowed to go. Still now, I am only allowed to punch air. Reminder of the nickname I referenced at the top. Air continues to beat me in each and every fight. Damn you, air. Damn you. In any case, I met the group at the trial class and they shared punching insights, karate insights and viral insights. The next day, I tested positive for COVID-19 and was down for the count. One week later, I returned to the trial class and registered.
Words are Hard
The most confusing, by far, was that much of the trial white snowsuit class was Japanese. That makes perfect sense for Shotokan Karate; however, I had zero knowledge of the Japanese language and had struggled to learn Sanskrit over the past decade or so. Multiple languages that I did not understand began going through my mind.
Sensei Soleil taught, counted and yelled in Japanese. The yelling seemed to be a customary thing, rather than anger. Everyone happily yelled things before they moved. Always. Yelling and bowing. After moving through Virabridasana A and translating that into a lunge, I would hear “GO!!” before I arrived back at the English language. That was when all hell broke loose in my mind. I placed myself as close to the door as possible and every time I heard “GO” I considered fleeing out the door. That would have been completely appropriate, given the instructions.
For the record, I did flee the dojo twice. Fleeing is kind of my jam. Eventually someone told me that “Go” means ‘five’ in Japanese. Then I noticed there was other words or utterances prior to ‘GO!’ and those were also numbers. Japanese numbers. It was counting. GO NADIA GO! GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!
Not Time To Go
When we completed a round of, let’s just say, 457 punches in a row until we can’t breathe, Soleil would yell ‘SHUGO!!!’ and everyone would run and line up. I heard this as ‘SHE GOES!’ and if I was tired, sore, unsure of what to do in that moment, I would just say ‘she don’t go….’. Or, conversely, if I do something really awesome, I yell ‘SHE GOES!’. Neither of these uses are correct. I continue to use them in this way, despite learning how wrong I am.
Not a Dance
I learned a series of movements that seemed like a dance, until one time a student said it was like a dance. Sensei Soleil basically lost her solar shit in a ballistic stream of yelling ‘YA EXCEPT NOT BECAUSE THERE IS A FIGHT HAPPENING AROUND YOU.’ This does actually remind me of my own dance practices but that was probably just my experience and how staggeringly bad I was when forced into ballet at gymnastics. Combat dancing is also frowned upon. I never ever danced again.
Not a Show
I was repeatedly reminded to face the showman. There are two photos of different individuals on the wall that Sensei Soleil points to when she reminds us to face the showman. Every time, I try to put on the best show possible for these men. They are there every practice, sitting in their frames, enjoying the show and if I do shitty karate, I feel terrible that I’ve wasted their time.
Mr. Showman has become a fixture in my practice; I perform at my best when I imagine his wise nod acknowledging my reckless my air punches. Eventually someone told me that ‘showman’ means ‘front’ in Japanese. As in ‘face the front of the room.’ And Mr. Showman is the founder of Shotokan Karate, not a man I am putting on a show for (you can interpret that in any way you’d like). I still put on my best show for him…even more so now. His name is Gichin Funakoshi and he is the founder of Shotokan Karate.
Not a Food
My final karate word that I learned when I tried at the trial class and continued forever after that was a round house kick. This move, I believed until very recently, was called myspaghetti. I could easily remember the name because if someone was coming at me and I wanted to absolutely launch the fucking shit out of them like my crapped out punch bag, I would launch my spaghetti at them like a noodle strike attack. Back up! You see this spaghetti? I made that. I own that. I will fuck you up with myspaghetti!
Myspaghetti is, in fact, mawashi-geri which is Japanese for ‘round house kick.’ I will not be changing the term though. My spaghetti is here to stay. Interestingly, I also learned that kick is called ‘geri’ or ‘geti’ but so is diarrhea. I can’t explain that right now. Karatically-inclined individuals likely do. I’m still working on those air molecules. The mini has improved significantly faster and is permitted to punch and kick objects. Stationary, inanimate objects. Good on ya, kid.
Coach, Teacher, Mentor, Instructor
A coach or a teacher, or a sensei in this case, is a person that you need to trust to wholeheartedly to learn from. I have had many good mentors and terrible ones as well. I may have learned a lot from those I did not trust, however, I came away feeling defeated, broken and hating myself for trusting someone who ended up hurting me at the cost of success. With that, I lost a bit of myself each time I was harmed by a coach or instructor. I lost my sense of trust in myself and karate was the first attempt to gain some of that trust back. I had tried to find safety in my body in yoga, and at times I did and still do. I had poor experiences with instructors, again, and this caused a deepening of my self hatred and inability to trust any authority or leader.
Goals
I was very lost and skeptical when I began. The people who had hurt me in my past had done so to a degree that I was reactive in karate and still am. What happened in my life over three decades ago impacts how I have had to learn to do karate. The people who have guided me through that process are Sensei Soleil and the other teachers (Sempei) in the dojo. The goal, to keep me smiling during class, has yet to be abandoned. If I have a day where I am lost, distrusting, anxious or I demonstrate an unusual reaction to practice, someone checks in. Soleil always does and often, my teammates from the dojo do as well. They have helped me start to train my mind in a new way and approach my life from the lens I approach karate. Work hard but always keeping smiling.
I Want to Make Friends
When I decided I wanted to make friends, it was not from a lack of people that I love. It was searching for a community. Community is incredibly important for wellbeing and during the pandemic, I noticed the loss was significant. Being in a group is part of the human condition; we always do better together.
My personal goal, aside from the coffee mug snap kick thing, was making friends. I make a point of telling Sensei Soleil it is the ONLY reason I stay in karate. To make friends and to only do karate tests when my friends do it too. And yes, if my friends jump off a cliff, of course I am jumping too. That would never happen though because I think it’s clear I’d be the first to jump.
I Did Not See That Coming
As someone completely new to the competitive recreational activity of karate, I will discuss observations I have made in my short but intense journey. If you are very familiar or even slightly familiar with martial arts, these three observations will be the stupidest thing you’ve read in the last decade. I learn best from my own mistakes, so I make as many of them as possible. Karate is no exception; I am exceptionally reckless in karate. The one decision I can confirm was not a mistake is joining this community and choosing to make friends.
What Colour Is This Level
I was only familiar with the rank of black belts when I began because of movies, pop culture, and societal patterns. First, achieving any degree of black belt is an outstanding achievement. No doubt. However, what struck me was how familiar I was with the concept of a black belt and how unfamiliar I was with the art of martial arts – specifically karate. Karate and yoga feel similar but different to me. Apparently these two very challenging, competitive reactional activities are quite aligned in philosophy and history.
The daily practice of karate as a part of wellness is truly understated. Both activities draw from similar pathways of weaving the mind and body into a single practice. Training the mind overlaps every action in karate. It seems to me that karate is becoming increasingly physically challenging, making it a suitable practice for all ages. Adults can start practicing karate and move away from the Hollywood black belt goal. It’s ok to suck and just suck a bit less every day. That’s encouraged in my classes.
The Art of Martial Arts
For me, working with, accepting, training, and managing the outrageous fool living in my head—my mind—is a far more challenging aspect of karate. It’s problematic. I would venture to say that two equal rank black belts can perform karate with and without training the mind. The individual who trains the mind and the body will be doing a completely different activity than the individual moving their body only.
The practice reminds me very much of a moving meditation. On the outside, it looks like you’re sitting still and inside, your psyche is a war zone even when you look like a garden Buddha on the outside. The integration of the mind and body is essential in both karate and yoga to shape the outcome. I did one million handstands and one million lunges as a competitive gymnast. None of them were yoga or karate despite being similar or identical physical movements. I love learning about the artistic elements of karate and I think that should be emphasized more. Even when it appears that two people are fighting, there is an energetic equilibrium at play and a centredness that makes movement come alive.
Controlled Aggression
I have learned in my short time of doing karate that controlled aggression is an underlying support system in the practice of karate. I believe, though I cannot confirm, that the reason I was (am) so incredibly reckless is because I depict a type of uncontrolled aggression that is, again, another thing I do that is frowned upon. An example of this is when I don’t do karate anymore during karate practice. I make up my own moves, duck, roll or run away. Alternatively, I freeze on the spot, get slammed by someone charging at me, do a backwards somersault and stand up quickly to run away. I also run in circles. Small, very small circles, running very quickly.
Controlled aggression involves putting everything you have into something without letting emotions take control of said controlled aggression. Being present and steady is the only way to have a controlled response to someone attempting to myspaghetti your skull in. Calm. No big deal. Yes, that’s a foot coming at my head but THAT’S COOL because I have controlled aggression to defend myself with. I have seen amazing demonstrations of controlled aggression – never from myself but others. Certain students move with an ease and grace that I find incredible. It is beautiful and fierce.
Where da Blood?
It always astounds me to see two very experienced students attack one another with enough force that I am positive someone’s face is going to be eaten off, then both people retract their arm or leg and body equally as fast. No one gets hit—it’s like magic. I’m expecting (hoping for) blood explosions, and no one is even out of breath. It’s like watching a train go from its maximum speed to the most graceful stop.
When I am practicing with someone who has controlled aggression, they are first warned about me, are holding a safety bag or armed, Soleil is RIGHT THERE JUST IN CASE and I receive explicit instructions that this is a tag and not a bulldozer game. After sufficient warnings, some yelling and threats potentially, pairing me with the most skilled defender in the class, I attempt controlled aggression. These are brief experiences in my karate life. Mostly, as mentioned, I am permitted to fight air.
Can’t Touch This
Imagine someone teaching you to charge forward at maximum speed, make loud noises when it’s done so you go even faster, making you promise (PROMISE) to punch your opponent in the face and just tossing gasoline on your own personal fucking rage fest. You are in a state of literal fury about life, yourself, humanity as a whole, climate change and the consumer price index. This is how I feel on a routine basis. Then I’m supposed to somehow back up. Just back away. After all the rage and climate change and everything. Gently touch the opponent’s Gi, formerly known as the white snowsuit, and casually but aggressively but kindly and fiercely not hit them. So, I suck at that too. Obviously.
Bonding through Fights
Karate is the only activity I have ever done where people get close to one another, build trust and friendships by throttling each other, in a controlled manner, multiple times per week. We want to punch each other. If we play dodge ball, hits to the face count for double. A point plus respect. One of my teachers punched me right in the face on the first day I met her. We became immediate friends. I snap kicked someone into orbit when I hit their bag and it began lift off. Kid was like 12 and he’s gotten a lot more focused since that healthy bonding experience.
Community
It’s a wonderful community and community is such a crucial part of building resiliency. After experiencing so much isolation during the pandemic, I have come to appreciate community even more. Karate builds resilience, I believe, in many ways. Likely those ways are different for everyone. I recall reading in a book that life is filled with problems. It’s just a series of problems that we have to solve. Some easy, some hard, some impossible. The key to happiness, this author write, was choosing problems that you enjoy solving. I akin karate to yoga often because it is an activity, an art and a life simulation. The problems that exist in karate are generally not priority problems. That is not my experience anyway.
The Spiral of Learning
The challenges I faced outside of practice were more than just problems; life was, at times, nearly unlivable. Those problems were life or death. And those problems, often, I did not choose. I worked with impact and my responsibility in choosing how I navigate that, but I didn’t choose the problem. Nor do any of us, in many circumstances. The act of practicing solving problems that you enjoy is a how we can reorient life toward fulfillment. I see karate as much more than a goal toward anything; it is a spiral of learning. A life simulation of enjoyable problems to practice with.
Sometimes it feels as if you have spiraled back into the same place as before and are solving the same problems as before. But, if you look closely at the circumstances, they are not the same and you have simply spiraled around to a point you’re familiar with. A spiral continues to change, deepen and expand as similar motions are done, like painting circles ever so slightly larger each time the spiral rounds a familiar curve. I enjoy the practice problems I encounter in karate and the training of the mind and body as one. I don’t mind wearing the Gi. It’s fine. I still wear yoga clothes underneath. For safety and happiness.
No Fear, No Fight
I read a story written by a martial artist from Puerto Rico who said that his neighbourhood was extremely dangerous and that even walking outside was a risk. He was very experienced and well-trained in multiple forms of martial arts. People began to ask him about fighting, and about what it is like to fight on the street. Does he break up fights? Start them? And the most common question, is a street fight scary or are you so well trained that you end any opponent? His answer surprised me and has taught me a lot, because I assumed (as the beginner I am) that I would be safer in my body because of my ability to fight. This is not true at all. He explained that there is no fear in a street fight because if you have time to feel fear, you have time to get away.
Steady Abilities for the Show
This speaks to the understanding that martial arts, or the type I do anyway, is not about getting into fights or breaking up fights. There are forms of martial arts for that, of course. But this is not my experience. In practical terms, if I have time to be afraid of anything at all, I have time to strategize. Even if it is just a split second, our risk perception varies greatly among individuals. My observation is that my risk perception was aligned with physical ability; I believed I would be at less physical risk if I practiced karate (and thought about Kill Bill).
In reality, I am very unlikely to get into a fight, I have no idea if someone has a weapon, I do not want to hurt anyone or be charged with assault and most importantly, I am a fast runner. That’s my best defense anyway and my mortal enemy is typically my own thoughts. It is controlled aggression that aids in transforming self-destructive rage into strength, focus, determination and power. I have often been encouraged to stop denying rage, but to learn to use it. Perhaps, that is a part of learning to live with the impact of our lives.
Outside the Dojo
A very wise teacher once told me, ‘you don’t have to show up to every fight you’re invited to.’ The fights that I am invited to are a combination of life challenges, personal challenges and whether I make the choice to cross that bridge or not. We all encounter challenges and problems, some big and some small. If our challenges bring out aggression, which mine often do, it is our responsibility to control that aggression. This isn’t a martial arts rule, as far as I know (I signed the waiver). It is the difference between good choices and poor choices.
Karate teaches us about wasted energy. Engaging in arguments that serve no purpose and wasting emotional energy on them, rather than orienting the mind toward enjoyable problem solving. You could say it is the difference between holding your ground and backing up. Wisdom comes from practicing which approach is most useful in a given moment.
Safety First
Safety in the body comes from practicing the ability to be non-reactive; or rather, to respond to a stressful moment with ease and skill. The ability to respond, not react, and to hold steady in the face of the very big challenges is beneficial in so many realms of life. Particularly with the problems that I don’t get to choose or problems that hit me like a sucker punch to the stomach. I notice tendencies that are ingrained deeply in me illuminating themselves in a karate practice. That learning portal is how the practical application appears in my daily life. I don’t often get into street fights. My last street fight was during recess and I lost.
Life is a battle and navigating it with steadiness is as impressive as snap kicking hot coffee into an armed opponent’s face. Practice solving enjoyable problems and using challenging life simulations to navigate and train the mind. When life tosses you a curve ball or a flaming coffee, you will snap kick it with ease and skill. I am still happily practicing karate and continue to work my hardest at making friends and performing for Mr. Showman. That guy loves a good performance, and I am committed to that.
SHEGOES!